Hey Pandas, What Is The Biggest Lesson You Learned From Your Parents Of What Not To Do With Your Own Kids?

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Many people growing up learn everything from their parents and most strive to be just like them when they grow up. However, some of us that grew up in a less than stellar household with less than competent parents have only learned what not to do from our parents.


Don't give your kids body image issues. Give them the tools to support a healthy body and mind.


I was a very quiet little girl, always trying my best not to upset my mother. She made me feel like she loved me only when I was basically invisible. Also, I could never live up to her expectations, was yelled at and hit a lot (although she claims she "never hit me too hard because I was so skinny she was afraid she'd break something").
Now I try to show my daughter that I love her, no matter what. That she's enough, that she is fine the way she is and that messing up just happens sometimes.


It is really very important to believe and validate your children when something or someone hurt them. Don't tell them nothing really happened and all is in their imagination. And please just don't pretend to make them feel better by telling them other people have it worst.
Also pretending everything is good and therefore not allowing them to show how much something affected them is not healthy, keeping quiet for any other's sake is in fact very harmful for them.


Don’t do meth.


I learned that it's a really bad idea to expect your child to be your primary emotional support. My father cheated on my mother, so she didn't trust him to care for any of her needs, so she leaned on me. I essentially parented her emotionally from a relatively young age.

Now I make sure that my child knows they're not responsible for my emotions or problems, that I have peers and professionals to lean on, but if they want to give me a hug, I will be so grateful.


Growing up, my mom and I were never close. Especially as I got older and it became very apparent we couldn't talk about the "real" stuff. In my case, boys, sex, how to handle bullies *and* friendships, etc. It all made her uncomfortable and I guess I was so good at being a "good kid"; never putting up a fuss or a show, she probably assumed I didn't need her anyway. To reiterate, she was a hard worker, and loved me and my brothers very much, giving us time and attention, but that specifically was sorely lacking, and thus created a gap in our relationship that didn't mend until I became an adult and she felt more comfortable talking to me.
I made it a point to be very very open and available to my kids about anything and everything they wanted to talk about, without judgement. I want them to know there is one person they can always come to no matter what. I'm careful to be age appropriate, but don't shy away from things. I also don't want to assume they are such good kids they don't need help and advice regarding sex and whatnot as they get older.
Tldr; don't be too reserved; talk to your kids


Like many parents, mine believed it was better to insist we eat everything on our plates, even things we absolutely hated. When my 3 kids were young, I encouraged them to try new things and provided a variety of foods (especially healthy options). I never insisted they finish what they took or forced them to try things. They are now healthy teens who eat a wide variety of foods. They love trying new things from different cuisines and are WAY more adventurous than me with their choices! They have a much healthier attitude towards food than I do!


Mental issues are not your children's fault and it is YOUR OWN responsability as adult, to seek help and properly comply with treatment and therapy. Also suicide is never an act of courage and sholud never ever be romantized.


Parenting in this way can lead to disasterous results. I grew up in a very strict household with a rage filled mother and a cold father who wasn't ever around. I was unloading the dishwasher when I was little enough that I had to use a chair to get up on the counter to put the dishes away. I never knew what was going to set my mother off. One time she went ballistic on me because she found out that I was upset at school when our dog went missing. When I had children I vowed to never make my kids feel like I did when I was a kid. When my kids were little their only jobs were to keep their room clean and to get good grades in school. This worked well until they got bigger and their messes got bigger. All the sudden I found myself with two teenagers, a full time job, a spouse that didn't cook or clean or help with anything at the house, two dogs and a cat and no help. The hardest part of that realization was that it was all my fault. In trying to be a better parent than my own I had created two self absorbed princesses that acted like we had a full-time staff to tend to their every need.


Stop your kids from attacking their siblings and your partner. My brother is a hazard to all of us by now, and I definitely don't want to witness it again if I ever have kids.


Don't attempt to recapture your own childhood through your kids. My mom made me do all the things: dance, gymnastics, sports of all kinds. I was a geeky thing that preferred school, school work and books and never had time for that because of the activities I was forced to participate in. I was miserable and my mom berated me for never being enthusiastic about her choices.

Now, as a mom, I let my kid decide what she wants to do with her extra time. She's a kindergartener, so her choices are a bit chaotic ("I want to try Scuba-diving!!" "Mom, can we tie-dye this week?"), but letting her decide the extracurriculars let's her flex her creative muscles. It's not about me, I have a decent grasp on what I like and don't, it's about her finding herself.


Do not use your kids as weapons when going through a divorce.

I later got devorced myself and made it clear to my ex that we were going to minimize the impact on our son. She fortunately agreed.


Do not smother them. Teach them to fly without you. Otherwise, when they have the chance to fly they might be giddy with freedom.

Didn't have kids of my own because it would wreck my freedom. Now, later in life, I see it didn't have to.


Dont guilt trip your kid saying how selfish they are if they are feeling suicidal it makes it worse

Dont s**t shame your child

If your child says they are sexually abused by your partner, don't just " chat" with the partner saying its not ok and sweep it under the rug

dont compete with your child for mental issues

Let your child interact with others that aren't just family


Don't silence their voices for the sake of "keeping the peace" My siblings and I were emotionally abused for years by one parent, the other would never let us speak up, we had to stay quiet otherwise things would just get worse.... Keep quiet, give them what they want, don't make life difficult for everyone...We grew up unable to speak up for ourselves, no matter what treatment we were put through... it took 40 years before we finally found the strength to stop being silent. Keeping the peace never made things better, it just made the abuser think they could keep getting away with it.

(also.... don't emotionally abuse your kids!)


Two things: NEVER hit your kid, not even spank because hitting doesn't solve anything; and don't scold or punish your kids if they're having a bad day or a bad mood. Ask them what's wrong and listen to them instead.


1) Don't have too many kids. Their is no way you can give them all the help, attention, and love they need and deserve, and you can easily become overwhelmed, no matter their ages and abilities.
2) don't be narcissistic. If you can't put others above yourself and/or you aren't and won't be willing to self sacrifice time, energy, etc, don't have kids.
3) Yes, some things need to be taken with a grain of salt, buy I'd rather believe my kid and be wrong, than not believe them and be wrong.
And finally,
4) Always ALWAYS be patient. Don't lash out in anger. Don't hit, threaten, or abuse your kids in any way, despite others claiming the behavior is "normal". If you feel people should be understanding and patient with you, how much MORE so should you be with a child?


Not be my mother. My mom is mild bipolar. LOVES my brother, I, girl, was an afterthought. My mother would tell me she hated me, didn't want me, wished she never had me. Then in the next breath, ask me why I don't love her. Gee I wonder. She was not there emotionally, even if she was there physically.

Always strive to be like my father. The man is a f*****g saint. He worked 60 hrs a week, still made it to ALL sport, club, and extracurricular activities. He fixed everything around the house and cars. My brother had no interest in learning, I did. My dad and I have the kind of relationship that most dad's have with their sons.

He stayed with my mom for the wrong reason, for our sake. Not his best decision, his heart was in the right place. No blame to him, I will gut you.

I had a shitty example and a great example. I strive for the great example. I stumble sometimes, that's parenting. Biggest advice, listen to your kids, talk to them about what works and what doesn't, adjust as needed. Set
firm boundaries, but be flexible, if need be. Remember s**t happens, take a deep breath, and tackle the monster under the bed.


I don’t means this flippantly, but…to not have them. My dad was mentally ill and so am I. He couldn’t cope with having a child, and, not only do I not feel the desire to have one, but I’m pretty damn sure I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I did.


Don't hang onto a lot of stuff you don't use and expect your kids to move it for you multiple times.

My husband and I moved my parents 7 times in 17 years, with my brother helping the first couple times. They didn't even use most of the stuff, but clung to it anyway. A lot of it ended up in storage, where it's sat for at least 10 years. My dad died 7 years ago, and my mom lives in a nice retirement community, with her apartment cluttered with boxes of stuff she still hasn't unpacked after 1-1/2 years. Now her mind is a little vague, and she doesn't want to think about getting organized or getting rid of things. So guess who eventually gets to deal with it yet again?


Have them.


I encouraged my son to try something before he said he didn't like it. It's not that I was brought up to condemn out of hand but society started to dislike things without checking them out first.
My Dad was a good man, mostly, but he delighted in telling me my music was rubbish. I swore I would never say the same to my son. He and I now swap the music we like. Sometimes I don't like what he's listening to, but I still listen because I ought to have an opinion nonetheless.
Although he was brought up to be omnivorous, when he went through a vegetarian phase, because of his then girlfriend, we ate like he did, when he visited. There is no harm in accepting another's personal views and tastes.
I hope that he instills the same values in my grandson. He, himself, has grown to be a man I am proud to call my son. I gave him ownership, he accepted the responsibility. We respect one another.


Pain is not a contest between me and my kids. They tell me they hurt they hurt we will not be discussing my surgeries this is about them and their bodies which they are experts in.


Don't guilt-trip or get angry with them for having mental health issues.


My parents never taught me anything - no help with school, no parent to kid talks, no basic life skills. They're the exact kind of people scams and conspiracy theories are aimed at. They still send me fake news e-mails to this day. Neither of them had even graduated highschool and they never had any interest in educating me, but loved to ground me if I didn't get good grades. Everything I know, I learned from books, the internet, or by trial and error. Thank god I used to be a gifted, curious kid who loved to read. That combined with the amount of neglect, though, quickly resulted in a gifted kid burnout, teenage depression and now I'm a financially incompetent adult with undiagnosed ADHD.
My sister never had any interest in education and now she's over 20, constantly asking me how to bank transfer, or how to write an adress on an envelope etc. I'm childfree by choice for many reasons, but if I ever had kids, I'd make sure to not repeat this mistake.


not to try to push the kids to do something, i am a picky eater, when my dad told me that i was going to sit at the table until i ate the vegetables, guess what i did, stayed until 8:00 (dinner started at 7;00) until my dad gave up and told me to go to bed.


Three things:

1. My mom wouldn't let me leave the table until my plate was clean, and then she would berate me for being overweight. I taught my kids to listen to their tummies, and when they were full, they were done with their meal.

2. My parents would beat me, thinking that was the proper way to teach a child to behave. It taught me that my parents couldn't be trusted and that I should hide my mistakes. I didn't hit my kids, and we were actually able to work through disciplinary issues. Their teachers, other parents, etc. always complimented my well-behaved kids.

3. Lastly, my parents were extremely judgmental and made it clear that their love was conditional. I taught my kids that I love them always, but you can love someone and be angry at them at the same time because of their actions. I also taught them to apologize and make amends and give people some space to cool down. They're much healthier and secure than I was as a kid.


What I learned from my parents;
1. My father worked 2-3 jobs to support us and I was lucky to even see him at all.
2. My mother yelled at the 3 of us to make her point, gained tons of weight due to the stress of parenting and had a stroke at age 45.
What I learned from all of this was not to have children. So far, so good.


Don’t tell your child they are lucky they’re only being beaten with a belt/ curtain rod/ iron cord because their mother used the buckle end.


One day when I was little (maybe 6/7) my dad and I were in a car and passed a jeep. I told my dad I loved them and wanted one when I got old. His response- “They are cold in the winter- not real tops - they never warm up.”
The instant let down. I was crushed. Never really thought about them after (I’m a total freeze baby)
However, now I now own a jeep and not out of spite or anything- it’s just how things ended up. That moment in my childhood taught me to listen and encourage things my children are into and just never be judgmental or negative about the things that are coming out of their mouths- it’s their kinda important- and it needs to be nourished not extinguished.


Don't brood your kids. Give them lot of love, but don't brood. Encourage them to fly by their own wings. The sooner they get independant, the biggest the return on investment will be. there's nothing more toxic than a brooding mother, or father


I try my best to make sure my kids are first. I spent my childhood (and still struggle with this) thinking everyone had more important things to do then be with me. As an adult I understand my parents needing to pay bills and why they worked hard but it hurt when I was a kid.




Please for God’s sake don’t tell your kids you never should have had them, that they ruined your life. Sixty-two and a life time of self-esteem issues.


Never trust your teenager
Teenage girls are truly a different breed. I appeared to be a sweet innocent young lady in my teenage years. In reality, I was a manipulative, sneaky pothead that in all honesty barely made it out of those years alive. I swore to myself I’d never be so naive with my children.


Pretending to have not enough money and force your children to go by with the cheapest or without something they really need or love just because you want to spend and indulge yourself instead (without them realizing it).
And then gloat that they maybe can buy it for themselfes when they are grown ups and have enough money.


Beat them. Neglect them. Make them feel like a burden. Make them think that they ruined my life. That's a terrible way for a child to grow up and it stays with them for life.


If your kid CLEARLY has depression make them get help.


Don’t abuse your kids.


To not have children.

1. because they are a lot of work, time, money, and emotional patience.(I have my wonderful siblings to thank for making me realize that *sarcasm*)
2. because I know I'll eventually treat them like my mother did to me and my siblings. And that's the very last thing I want. So I'm saving them any anxiety, stress, and depression that I would cause to them unknowingly. I know they'll be emotionally safer that way.


To not tell my kids about my aspirations of their future. My mother told me she always expected me to be perfect. I was 10. I'm still messed up from it, but I can't tell her about it, because she probably forgot about it. Now I have intense anxiety about not being good enough for her despite reassurance


my dad (not that he deserved that title)
was an alcoholic abusive POS, he force fed my autistic brother veg when he refused to eat it (metal utensils i should add) my sister was slapped hard enough to leave marks on her legs, i was abused every way except rape and was treated like a slave, he sexually assaulted me since i was 14 claiming he was "teaching me how to say no" threatened to have my bf put in hospital if i kept trying to stop him from "teaching" me
he forced my mum to have sex with him, he said it wasnt rape because they were married
speaking of, he said it was a womans fault for being raped because of her clothes, he called women whores if they had sex with different people but bragged about how many women he slept with
theres more but it would probably take a whole post to go into details


If your kid is LGBTQ+, F*****G SUPPORT THEM. Also that I won’t have kids


LITREALLY everything ! I wont ever tell my kid what to wear.. i wont ever tell my kid they r kinda ugly... I wont ever make jokes about my kid's insecurities or insterests.... I would always support my kid's interests ( only if they aren't wrong ) .... I will always support them with their passion and hobbies... I will never force anything on them ! I don't want my kids to ever feel like " OMG , Mom will be so mad at me"... I want them to feel like " OMG , I need to tell this to mom ASAP "


I was one of seven children and academically cleverer than the others, my parents took no interest in my school work, never attended a parent/teacher evening, my father would get annoyed because I had homework, none of my brothers or sisters ever did have any. When I wanted to stay on at school, my father told me that I would never have new shoes or clothes if I stayed on. I managed half an extra term, by then I was wearing shoes with holes in the soles. I left school and got a job, my mother told me I was to give her half my wages. I saved money to buy new clothes and shoes only to find my mother and sister, both three sizes larger than me wearing my new clothes. I left home when I was 17, best thing I did. Don’t get me wrong I loved my parents but they wanted me to do everything their way and wouldn’t accept that I wanted to do more than leave school at 15, meet someone get married and have a couple of kids.


Take your kids to the doctor when they're sick -before it becomes severe.

I was hospitalized 13 times (that I could remember) by the age of 15. I had a host of childhood diseases that I wasn't vaccinated for, multiple pneumonias, anemia, ect. For most of my childhood, when I was taken to the doctor, I was immediately hospitalized. They had "the good" insurance (through my dad's factory job) but my parents didn't "believe in" doctors.


Not to take off in a hurry on your bike when late for kinder-garten with two toddlers....especially when the one in the front is brandishing a toy-sword....gives a whole new meaning to «bite the dust»


I always thought getting spanked for hitting someone was a little hard to figure out.
We don't whack hit people whack.


I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother who lacks empathy. I learned from about aged 11 that I was pretty much on my own with anything I was struggling with, even illness. As a mother, I choose to be always available to my kids, empathetic and make sure that they know they are NEVER alone with anything.


1) If you don't want kids, use protection.
2) If you do have kids, don't guilt trip them for having problems, don't tell them they're ungrateful when they need you to adjust your parenting style. And don't only focus on the flaws in their grades.


Don't Have Any


Your kid is should not be your therapist. Don't involve your kid in your problems or expect them to listen about your issues, because that's not their job, that's yours.


To not force religion on children. To not force children to finish their plates, and then shame them for eating either "too much or too little". It really sucked. It's important to let children be curious and growing people!


The main thing I learned was: Intending to be a good parent and studying parenting and doing what you think of as good parenting... doesn't make you a good parent. And that's one of the many reasons I don't have kids of my own.


Finally one for me. I learned a huge lesson from my egg donor (mother). I learned to always be in my kid's lives. To love them unconditionally and to never leave their sides. (as minors). My mother tried to kill me several times as an infant and then when that didn't work abandoned me. Luckily my father had the foresight to take me to family where I was raised by others in the family. I never blamed my dad because he saved my life. He tried to get her help and when that didn't happen and she continued to make his life hell, being young and dumb he turned to self medication to numb the pain and well.... never got over that. My dad passed two weeks ago today. I will forever love and miss him. Part of my grieving process holds a lot of anger because although he made poor choices he never endangered me, he saved me. Why is he gone and she remains to live off other people and be a miserable human being? Don't take that wrong, I'm grown now and have forgiven her for everything. She's obviously mentally ill in some shape or form. Ok now I'm rambling, my apologies. Anyway, My kids are 20, 17 and 15 and I am grateful for every minute, every day. And I guess I am thankful to Her for that.


Let your kids make their own decisions. My mom said that the only reason I could get a tattoo is if I got mom in white ink. I plan on getting a tattoo. Not of mom. Also, pain isn’t a competition. If you have hard stuff going on, still listen to your kids and don’t dismiss them. And don’t say “well when I was a kid it was blah blah blah”


Never leave your child with someone when they weren't expecting this just so you can go party.


Never to insult my daughter's body or make fun of her weight. I'm fairly fit now and haven't touched soda or fast food in a decade, and maintain a mostly plant-based diet, but still feel like I'm disgusting and like I'm not "dieting enough". Like I should do more to lose more weight. Like I'm never doing enough. I've had and gotten over an eating disorder. I'm always very carefully finding ways to influence healthy habits without seeming coercive or judgy or overbearing. Trying to influence good health over body image, which every most important/close family member (mom, sisters, grandma) in my family was so focused on, and quick to call me the "fat sister". .. obviously it's caused long-term damage. Also to maintain a good relationship with her dad, even though we're long separated (all though of course there are circumstances where it's better for one parent to have nothing to do with the kids and/or other parent), and don't talk trash about her dad, because my mom always did, even though my dad was always kinder to me than my mom; and when I thought about how I'm half my dad it always made me feel really awful and hurt. There's a difference between justifiable warnings and truths about a parent and their behavior if they're a toxic/harmful/abusive/dangerous person, and just being mean and toxic yourself.


They do not have an expiration date on when they are welcome to continue living at home. My husband left home at 15 and myself at 17. My kids are welcome to stay with me until they properly get their lives started.


Tell them everything and ask them to lie. There are somethings that kids shouldn’t know about. Asking them to lie to a family member or authority figure will either teach the child it is okay to do or give the child extreme anxiety because they know it is the wrong.


1) be there & don't force your eldest to raise the younger by being absent

2) be patient - just b/c you have been good with whatever in school, doesn't mean your kid is as good/fast as you

3) don't force them to practice stuff for hours - a little bit at a time not stuff of a year in 4h straight

4) try to find a place to live before having kids and stay there, don't force them to leave their friends behind ~5x in 9 years

5) don't punish your kid for accidents or not being good at sports

6) trust your kids - teachers can lie too, just as the neighbours, your friends, other kids and even family - if you have been there for your kid, you'll know when they lie... and if they're lying - ask yourself and your kid 'why'


Don't have them if you don't want them.


Well, my parents gave birth to me, which clearly taught me not to have kids ?


When I was 16 months old my father shook and yelled at me for something I did hours earlier and had already gotten in trouble for. My mom left him, then found out she had cancer. Well while she's in the hospital in isolation, I'm staying with my uncle and his wife and my 2 cousins. My uncle asked my mom to sign over temporary custody so he could get me insurance and take me to doctors appointments, well my mom didn't like that AT ALL. Well that time passes, move on to I'm maybe 8 my mom tells me that my aunt and uncle had locked me in a room, and that I was too much to handle. Basically lying to me, making me think my uncle was the horrible person. So I grew up never trusting or liking my uncle. Of course my mom told me all these stories of him being a s**t person. Well over time my mother would leave me home alone for her to go to the bars to meet a man. Date him for like 2 weeks and let him move in...yeah the keepers she attracted...and she dated a rapist, her only, a meth head, a drunk, and married someone who was our old neighbor and had been friends with his GF at the time. He had a gambling problem and just as soon as they got married he tried to be my 'dad' and tell me what to do. I was 15 and had been raising and taking care of myself and my mother since I was 10, so I wasn't having that, well mother of the year tried to step in and actually be a parent, well as soon as I hit 17 I moved out. True I moved to another toxic situation, and a whole lot of b******t, but I still have issues with my mother being a narcissist, lier, mentally underdeveloped, never thinking about what she says, hurtful and just all around s**t parent. I have made sure I protected my children. I left their abusive father when my baby girl was 18 months and have been with the same Wonderful man since then, she's 9. And I made sure to never fight with their father in front of them, talk bad about him, or do anything that could hurt them. I make sure they go to therapy just as it is worth it for everyone to go, no matter what. And I actually have a relationship with my uncle who is an amazing guy who I really wish I had spent more time with as a kid. Hell I know if I had been raised by them, my life and my future would have been 10×'s better. But all I know now is I'm going to protect and take care of my kids without putting my issues and heath problems on them.


Shout, cajole, tease, scare. My parents did not understand that they were supposed to model preferred behaviour, that they were supposed to cultivate sound mental health and self esteem in their children. They tried to use negativity to force the behaviour they wanted. I hear my neighbour downstairs doing the same to her child daily. Having spent my life working with youth I know that patience, nurture, empathy and continued education are paramount in raising healthy children into well adjusted adults. And you never, ever yell at a child. People who allow themselves to get excited like that lose control, say vile and frightening things, and can intimidate and progress to physical violence.


Give your kids names which will lead to bullying or other issues. I (boy) was "blessed" with a name which (where I grew up) was mostly a girl's name, which caused no end of embarrasment and confusion. Wish I'd legally changed it as soon as I could now... (Of course it's impossible to know whether a particular name might suddenly become problematic in the future - "Karen" comes to mind - but there's not a lot anyone can do about that).


Have a favorite and spoil them. My brother was obviously the favorite, and was tremendously spoiled. Grew up, never had a job, steals from my elderly parents and treats them like s**t. I hate him. He’s a piece of garbage. He’s almost 40, spoiled and entitled, unemployed, and he just sucks.


Never shame your child or allow siblings to shame her for something out of her control.


The screaming. We hear you just fine, we're trying to process you.

The moment you hear yourself say "oh you think this is screaming? I'll show you screaming." You are the reason the kids stop talking to you when they move out.


I've always loved with my mother only. My dad only came at weekends. I was a very quiet person in school and my mom was like my best friend. She still is. I was one of the best students in my class when I was young. As I grew older I shifted to above average. Each time I was terrified to bring home my marks. I've wondered about just not going home many days. I hated my mom during those times. She made me feel worthless for scoring 89 out of 100. Now she is a lot better even though I still feel my marks hold more weight with my parents than me as a person.


Not to get too angry when they do something wrong and afraid to come tell me. I might get a little upset but nothing compared to if you're not telling me the truth.


I learned to not have children because I was expected to. I think they'd figured that out by the time I hit puberty anyway, so they didn't apply any such pressure.


Give them lots and lots of respect. Don't hold being older, smarter, bigger, or being their parent over them. And don't think of yourself as better.


Praise one child more than the other.
I remember being younger (like 10) and my grandmother, who lived with us and helped raise us, saw a project on the kitchen table. She thought it was my sister's and praised her for such a good job. But then she found out it was actually mine, all she said was "oh". I asked her why she said that and she responded with "you always get good grades, not your sister", made me become an underachievier, what was the point right? So now I have 3 kids of my own and I make sure to recognize their hard work every time, even if it's the 4th A that year they received. I never make them feel like they didn't work hard for the grade the received.


Be more open minded and actually spend time listening to my (future) kids.
As someone brought up by a helicopter mom that always knows better and is never wrong... I feel like my whole childhood and teenage years were stolen from me because of my mom's behaviour... She doesn't accept any of it.


I had great parents but I learned to not pick favorites. Somebody is going to get hurt and do the same thing to their child. I learned that every child is an independent and unique person, and comparing one child to another child in the same family causes problems. So my husband and I made conscious decisions to treat them as individuals, to celebrate their differences, and not compare them to each other, because of this my children are extremely close with each other regardless of the age gaps, they all love each other, and talk to each other more than they talk to my husband and I. I also learned not to force myself upon them. When they need me they know I'm there and they come to me with their own accord. I check in with them on a weekly basis but I don't smother them. I don't want to do things that alienate them. Their choices are their own we encourage them we encourage their differences and let them know that they are unconditionally loved. I feel very blessed that my children are the people that they are and because we didn't compare them to each other negatively or positively I have very confident children with great judgment. I also learned not to place unreasonable expectations upon them. The only expectation that we ever put on them was for them to grow up to be productive members of society and I believe that the ones who have reached adulthood have succeeded in that. the things I'm most proud of in my children are also the things that they are most proud of themselves.


over expect


Double standard same rules for boy or girl or what ever gender you may identify as but growing up my brother who was younger got to stay out late and go and do as he pleases because he was a boy and could not get pregnant but I was under lock and key because I could possibly get pregnant as a teen. I don’t und
We stand the logic he could have gotten a girl pregnant and he would have been 100% his fault and responsible but because he wouldn’t have to walk around with the prof under his shirt he got to do whatever and I got locked away it was horrible. But my kids get equal treatment across the board. And if I don’t have enough for all no one gets one lol.


I learned a pretty painful lesson from my own father about how not to treat your kid. Be there for them, appreciate them for what they are and don't just walk out on them because you're a selfish dickhole


So many things.
1. Do not hit your kids - If you as a grown up hit another adult, you'd be charged with assault. But somehow grown ups think that it's OK to hit a child that cannot defend itself. My siblings and I were battered and have some pretty severe issues because of it.
2. Do not shame your children over what they eat. Mum had major food issues, so if she saw us eating something remotely unhealthy were were shamed, this led to us eating in secret.
3. Celebrate the successes and failures.


Have them when I was still one. My mom was 16.


Have kids in the first place. It's a lot.


don't have more kids than you can f*****g afford, even tho you want a girl sooooooooooooo bad, and don't go plugging every hole you see walk by, ffs. #shitfather


Because of them I decided not to have kid and not to sprewad these genes.

So my answer: a fu**in´ lot.


I learned how difficult it is to raise difficult children. In fact, the 4 of us heard "Wait 'til you have kids of your own!" so much and we were so naughty, none of us have any kids. Youngest is now 56.


Have children of my own.


I learned not to not say “thank you”. My sons do so much for me and I always make it a point to say thank you and how much I appreciate them even if they don’t think I do. Grew up with a “you owe me this, why would I thank you” mom.


dont go to church