Most adults will, sooner or later, run into a situation where they’ll say something embarrassing, whether it be an inappropriate joke or something that’s plain old stupid, or anything in between.
So, what chance does a toddler have at controlling their tongue, let alone their impulsive thoughts? Well, parents online have been sharing some of the most embarrassing experiences they’ve ever had with their toddlers in a viral Reddit post. It managed to draw in over 45,500 upvotes and nearly 14,000 comments.
Bored Panda invites you to scroll down to see the best responses from the thread, and why not vote and comment on the ones you enjoyed the most? Oh, and don’t forget to share your kid stories if you’re a parent yourself, or have heard parent friends tell their tales of embarrassment.
More Info: Reddit
#1Disclaimer: this was not my toddler, but a toddler said this to me while I was waiting in the grocery line: “I have a vagina and new party shoes!”
Really, what else do you need?
Image credits: shovel_bummer
#2During a private Remembrance Day (Armistice Day) ceremony with veterans, my 3-year-old soiled her diaper. I changed her in a back room and when we came out, it was the moment of silence. She slammed the door and yelled to all the vets, “I just had a BIG poo! And it had PEANUTS in it!”
Image credits: ponchojukebox
#3At the grocery store, my daughter, who was 2 at the time, and I were about to pass an African American lady in an aisle. At this point, she had never seen anyone with a darker skin color such as hers. She’s about 2 feet from us. So, she sees her, turns to me and *yells* (while pointing), “look Mom!!! It’s a chocolate lady!!!”. I froze for a sec, said “yes honey, isn’t she beautiful?”. She yells yes, and I practically ran away down the aisle. That poor lady was such a good sport.
BONUS. We met a man with a hook for a hand and she sprinted up to him to ask him if he was Captain Hook. *facepalm*
Luckily, he said yes and pretended to run after her.
Image credits: anon
#4I was in Costco and my son (who was about 5 at the time) ran up to me, grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the next aisle. “Dad! Dad! Look! Real ninjas!” Whilst pointing at two women in full Burkas
Image credits: longmover79
#5My youngest sibling is 10+ years my junior, so I grew up with him embarrassing me in public.
The worst was around Christmas one year when we went to Walmart after going to a church service. The service was about the virgin birth and how no other virgin had ever had a baby before. My brother was probably about 4-5 at the time, so while he didn't know exactly what made someone a virgin, that service taught him virgins couldn't have babies.
Anyway, we're in the check out line and behind us is a woman who is obviously pregnant. My brother points to her and says very loudly, "Look, that lady isn't a virgin"!
Image credits: nuggetblaster69
#6My son was 2 and thought every black man was his dad. He was away for the military a while so when we were at Boston Market he called another random stranger “daddy!!” And ran to him and hugged him. Hahaha the guy actually picked him up and said “I’m not you’re dad but hey buddy!”
I was mortified but couldn’t stop laughing.
Image credits: Whitt_tthe_S**tt
#7Not really embarrassing but my son once announced to daycare that I had died. It was a severe shock to them when I picked him up.
Now my niece once announced at a family dinner that she wanted a f**k, loudly. We all turned and looked at this little 3 year old and her mother said she'd work on speech therapy with her as she handed her daughter a FORK.
Image credits: AngryZen_Ingress
#8So my younger brother was 5/6 years old. My dad was coaching my basketball team (was in 7th grade) and my brother came along to hang out at the practice. Now my brother has Asperger's so of course at that age social awareness is non-existent. There are a few black kids on the team and my brother was learning about Martin Luther King Jr. as it was around the time of the holiday. So his brain is processing.
During the practice my brother is standing under the basket as we're doing lay up lines. All of a sudden as one of the black kids goes past him my brother goes, "Are you an African-American?" and my friend chuckles and goes "Uh, yeah" and my brother with a completely dead serious face and tone just goes
"I knew it."
Whole team was rolling on the floor laughing.
Image credits: cricket9818
#9Took my 3 year old to Disneyworld. Of course after about an hour in the park, both I and the offspring have to go to the bathroom. We head off to one of the main bathrooms right next to the castle. I let the boy go first (he performed a nice quick dump complete with the customary "Good Job" from me as we were still reinforcing the potty training mantras...) then I of course sit down and perform my own glorious #2 complete with a nice "squeaky door" fart which had the offspring in hysterics. At this point the child starts saying in a voice that can only be described as booming "GOOD JOB DADDY! YOU'RE THE BEST POOPER I KNOW!"
This of course led to chuckles from the long line of stalls populated by other fathers...The chuckles ended up turning into outright laughter...I was so proud of my pooping abilities.
Well, I'm somewhat shameless, so I clean up and go wash my hands to find that I'm now getting the nods of approval from everyone in the can who heard the interchange. I was the best pooper at disneyworld that day...and internally embarrassed and entertained at the same time.
Image credits: Explodo86
#10I was in target with my 4 year old boy twins. One has a nervous habit of grabbing his parts. I quietly said to him “let go, hands off dude” and he yells at the top of his lungs “BUT MAMA MY PENIS WONT GO DOWN!” I don’t think I’ve ever left target so fast.
Image credits: BadHorse042
#11There is a man who lives in our village with no arms, Mr M. His children attended my sons nursery so he has met him many times.
We were in a packed doctors waiting room one day and Mr M came in.
Son, at full volume: Look mummy! There's Mr M that I told you about. He has no arms! Look! LOOOOK! [Pointing]
At this point the whole waiting room, in true British style, have turned their heads in the opposite direction to Mr M, and are actively trying NOT to look while similarly avoiding eye-contact with me, and the 'disrespectful small child' who draws attention to peoples disabilities.
Me: Ah yes, that is Mr M. We see him at school don't we.
Son: Yeah, he came in to talk to us one day, [oh gosh what is coming next....] he drives his car with his feet! [Please don't say more...] He is TOTALLY AWESOME!
[massive sigh of relief!] Yeah dude, he really is!
Image credits: RainingBlood398
#12Four year old son was misbehaving in a store, and I told him if he didn't control himself we were going to leave. He escalated, and I picked him up and carried him through the entire store. He was surprisingly putting up little fight. As we pass the checkout lanes he loudly says "Hey mister, put me down!" I didn't hesitate, didn't make eye contact with anyone, just turned beet red and kept marching out the door.
Image credits: VVHYY
#13Me and my 3 y.o were at my moms house & to get her to leave I told her, cmon we have to go home and take a shower, to make her laugh I said we need a shower because our bums are stinky
Later when we got home in a full elevator, my daughter turns to me and says, " Mom you need to shower because your bum is stinky"
I was mortified.
Image credits: mmartinho94
#14Not me but my midwife.
Pregnant with second child, three year old daughter asks why mummy’s belly is so big. She’s told there’s a baby in there.
She turns to daddy and asks “do you have a baby in there too?” Dad replies gently “No, I’m just fat!”
A few days later in the checkout line and there’s a very large lady behind them in the line.
The little girl asks the lady “Do you have a baby in your tummy like my mummy?”
The lady is kind and just says no she doesn’t, to which the girl responds “oh just fat then?”
Image credits: notmax
#15At a fairly nice restaurant my brother was teasing my daughter, and my daughter screamed at him to stop and threatened to call him the N word.
(The N word was nipple)
Image credits: GaijinSama
#16My daughter was with me in a crowded dressing room and complimented me on my nice nipples. I could hear laughter from the other stalls.
Image credits: laughingcow2012
#17Carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted 'HE FARTED!!' at every single table. In case there was any confusion she was also pointing at my face.
Image credits: flippenzee
#18My wife had my 3 year old at the park one day. She decided to pick up some litter to make the park look nicer so she was throwing away pop bottles, chip bags etc and he wanted to help.
He stoops to pick up some cigarette butts and my wife says leave those to mommy (she wasn't going to pick them up but didn't want him to touch them either).
A few minutes later he has gone to play. He tells another mom, "I'm finding cigarettes for mommy".
My wife was so embarrassed and said she got the dirtiest looks from near by parents who heard this.
Image credits: Thisguysciences
#19My two year old and I were waiting in line at Nordstrom. She was being so quiet and so patient so I decided to reward her by purchasing a Melissa and Doug stamp set. As soon as we got to the checkout, she randomly announced to the girl that was checking us out, “Mommy has a penis.” I just stood there for a moment, expressionless, wondering where in the f**k that came from before I finally said, “yeah...I don’t.” The lady just stared at me, forced a smile and replied “have a nice day.”
We’ve also been talking a lot about my pregnancy and wondering whether the baby is a boy or girl. Somehow that must have raised some questions in my daughter’s head because she announced to daycare that “daddy decided he wants to be a girl so he is going to become a girl.” Daycare never mentioned it until our daughter told us this at dinner one night and we about died. Asked the teacher if she had, in fact, stated that...her teacher said, “yes, she did. It seemed sensitive so obviously we didn’t want to mention it.” (My husband is NOT transitioning).
Ahh, kids. Love them.
Image credits: wickedcreative
#20When he was being humped by a puppy, and me yelling at the puppy to stop.
"DON'T YELL AT HIM! HE LOVES ME!"
I guess he's not wrong...
Image credits: Rupispupis
#21My child isn’t old enough to talk yet but when I was little and we were on holiday my dad used to get me to say I was younger than I was so we could get into theme parks cheaper. When we were on our way back, the gentleman at passport control asked me how old I was and I turned to my dad and said “how old am I today daddy?”
Image credits: Anonymousse228
#22My friend's kid once asked his mom's female friend where her boobs were (The friend had much smaller breasts than his mom). That was certainly awkward for everyone present.
Image credits: Diplomat_Smurf
#23My mom loves to tell this story.
We were at Catholic mass. I was 2-3 years old. They ring the altar bell in mass at some point. They ring it, the church is dead quiet, and I screamed "Telephone!!!"
Image credits: daleksarecoming
#24When I was little (under 5) my dad would jokingly ask if I wanted a cold beer. I would always respond with "no." Until one day when we were in the grocery store, he asked if I wanted anything, to which I replied: "a cold beer" while we were standing in line.
Image credits: foshjowler
#25My friends daughter (~2.5 y/o) saw another kid in the grocery store with a toy truck, and out of nowhere says “I want that f****n’ truck...” in an angry tone
Not the funniest thing to read, I know, but we’ve been saying that in a baby voice for the last few years and it always cracks us up.
Image credits: thebroklahoman
#26My best friend is gay. He and his partner have lovingly been called “the gays” at our house after a slip up when calling them “the guys” came out as “the gays”, which they thought was funny and began to call themselves that. It caught on after a while. Picking up dinner one night at the grocery store, my daughter asked if they were coming over to eat with us, as they do once or twice a week. My best friend tends to tease my daughter who, at 5, can be sensitive to it. I said no and she replied by loudly exclaiming for all to hear: “Thank God, because I hate the gays!”
Image credits: Llamageddon24
#27I was with a group of friends and was asked if I drink. I said I don't really, and my daughter said "but mom, you drink all the time." She had no idea the difference between drinking alcohol and drinking everything else.
Image credits: TishraDR
#28When my cousin was about 2 she still occasionally took baths with her mom, my aunt. One night we're at their house for dinner, out of nowhere, she blurts out at my uncle, "Daddy, you got hair on your peepee, too?!" And that was the first and only time in my life I nearly required the Heimlich maneuver.
Image credits: dcbluestar
#29Not my kid, but I took my nephew, now 11, to the mall once when he was about 3/4, and this girl started talking to us. She thought it was so cute that I brought my nephew to the mall and how I was such a good uncle, until...my nephew says, “ Uncle x, likes to beat me”. There was no coming back from that. I had never laid a hand on him, but damned if I wasn’t thinking about it then. All I can do now is laugh, and wait for revenge.
#30“Are those your boobies Mom?”
Loudly. At a church Nativity play ??♀️
For all asking, yes, he was right, the question was accompanied by a vigorous patting motion on my chest
Image credits: darknite132
#31My son came home from kindergarten with his backpack full of canned food. When pressed about the issue he confidently stated that he had told the teacher he was hungry and we didn't have any food at home! They had sent him home with the donations for those in need!! We got him to return the food the next day... Its a funny story we tell now but talk about embarrassed!!!
Image credits: twillsteele
#32My two year old had a short-lived habit of saying "See ya, suckers" when we would leave a place.
Image credits: Dr_Treebeard
#33After hearing the phrase in a movie, my little one yelled,"Put me down you idiot!" in church.
Image credits: Librariankat98
#34My oldest Daughter and I used to run away from my Wife when we went shopping. One time, we got particularly far away and I asked her what do you wanna do now that Mom can't stop us?
She exclaimed loudly, near others, "We can punch a stranger!"
#35After watching 101 Dalmatians the day before, I was grocery shopping with my daughter. We crossed paths with an old Lady in a somewhat dirty church suit and tons of makeup with sloppy red lipstick. My daughter points at her and says, "daddy, that's a bad lady". The lady did kind of look like Cruela DeVille...
Image credits: El__Jeffe
#36After his little sister was born my toddler announce to the parking garage that she, "came out of mommy's magina!" So that was nice ...
#37Was eating at a Chinese restaurant when the waiter and the cook were having a discussion in Chinese. 8 yr old daughter yells out “WHY THEY SPEAKING SPANISH?” Embarrassing to say the least. Went back a couple of months later and the waiter remembered us cause after taking our orders he says “ I’ll return andele’ “
#38Austin Texas Trail of Lights
We come upon [this display of armadillos](https://i.imgur.com/UvuFp5Z.jpg).
I ask my 5-year-old, "what are those?"
Loudly, she replies, "Mexicans!"
I wanted to crawl under a rock.
It was either this or the time she proudly announced, "MY DADDY PEES STANDING UP AND FARTS!"
#39I don’t have a kid but my mother has never let me live this one down.
The backstory for this story is that a few days before this situation my mom was showering with me and I asked her about “her pink.” And after some questions she realized I was talking about her vagina so she tells me “that’s my vagina, it’s supposed to be pink.”
So now that you have the necessary background info, I can tell you our situation. My mom was in the checkout line at the grocery store, loading up the conveyor belt, and I turned to the cashier and dropped this little gem: “my mommy’s ‘gina is pink. Is your ‘gina pink too?”
My mom said that both her and the cashier turned bright red and they finished the transaction in silence.
#40Not a parent but when my family and I were on vacation in Yellowstone/Custers Last Stand there was a Native American man dressed as a warrior doing a photo shoot. My little brother about 3 at the time yells out loud DAD THERES STILL ONE LEFT! The man was a good sport and started laughing. Even got a picture with him later in the day.
#41At a restaurant. Wife was late-term preggers with second child. Had been telling the first (the toddler) that her mom's belly was big because she had a baby in there. Large woman walks by our table. Toddler's eyes get big; she shouts, "Look mom! That lady has a baby in her butt!"
#42Had my toddler son walk into the bathroom at Target with me. He immediately said “oh man it stinks in here.” Followed by... “ I think the smell is coming from those shoes” as he bent over looking under the stalls..
#43While pointing to a random guys chest at a swimming pool, screaming Nipple! Niiiiiiiipple!
#44Not a parent, but when I was a toddler I was on a plane flying back from Spain. I cried the whole way because I couldn’t pop my ears.
As we get off the plane, I suddenly brighten up, smile at the air hostess and say:
‘My daddy has a bald head and a big w***y!’
She uncomfortably laughed and my bald headed dad shooed me down the steps after saying ‘well she’s right about one of them’
#45My son has a knack for remembering songs after only hearing them once or twice. I didn't realize that he knew "Let's Get It On" until we were at the supermarket and he started singing along really loudly. Funny, but also mortifying.
#46I personally don't have any toddlers, but when I was 3 I introduced myself to strangers like so.
"My name is Maybe_Black_Mesa, and I'm an alcoholic."
Parents couldn't afford a sitter so I attended a few AA meetings.
#47Daughter was practicing ballet. Me and my 4 year old son were in the room behind the glass which is full of families watching and waiting. I was showing my son youtube videos to keep him calm. He says "Why are we watching naked spiderman videos"?
Image credits: meta_uprising
#48Not mine, but my aunt was pregnant with her second kid when they were going to the grocery store. her son was probably 4 at the time and had recently found out that he was going to have a new brother/sister. So it was fresh in his mind. As they were walking into the store, a black family was walking out with their baby girl, and my cousin points at that baby and says "I don't want one like that, mommy." My aunt quickly says "He means he wants a brother." That cover probably didn't save her that much, but I probably wouldn't have been able to even come up with that in the moment.
#49When my son was 4, and watched Space Jam, he thought every black man was Michael Jordan. When we would go somewhere, he would point at every black man he saw and yell "Michael Jordan!"
Image credits: anon
#50So this is something I said as a toddler, apparently.
I was developmentally delayed, so had to go to a child therapist until I was 5. When I was about 4, we were in the waiting room with a bunch of other kids and teenagers and their parents. I was walking around, minding my own business. I was pretty nonverbal (part of the reason I was in therapy), so generally didn't talk.
I suddenly stopped in front of this one teenager. I point to her face and scream "Face *ugly*!"
My mom is mortified. Not only is it a terrible thing to say, I said it to a teenager who was already in therapy. She pulling me and chastising me "Dragonmeme, that is an *ugly* thing to say!" but the damage was done.